Everybody needs thehealthy powerofhumor, but we don’t always have time for it.So, I’ve put together aquickdose of 51 hilarious quotes short enough to make you smile, yet don’t take much time to read. Plus, these quotes can swiftly turn a gloomy day into a warm and sunny one.
I think you’ll love this selection of short jokes and amusing phrases, which are more than just laugh-out-loud quotes. They act as happiness boosters and feel-good humor that’s easily incorporated into the fabric of everyday life.
So, focus on the positive vibes, light-hearted fun, and quick laughs as you dive into this entertaining list. You’ve got some quick laughs waiting for you. Be ready to smileasyou enjoy thefun.
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Hilarious Jokes Short and to the Point
1. “I’mnotarguing. I’m just explaining why I’m right.” – Unknown
2.“Lifeis short. Smile while you still have teeth.”– Mallory Hopkins
3. “Iusedtothink I was indecisive, but now I’m not too sure.” – Unknown
4. “Doingnothingis hard; you never know when you’re done.”–Darynda Jones
5.“Aclearconscience is a sure sign of a bad memory.” – Mark Twain
6. “Iamonaseafooddiet.I see food, and I eat it.”–Unknown
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7. “Tostealideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.” – Wallace Notestein
8. “I’mnotlazy,I’m in energy-saving mode.”–Unknown
9. “Ifyouthinknobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.”– Earl Wilson
10. “Ageisofnoimportance unless you’re a cheese.”– Billie Burke
11. “Alwaysborrowmoneyfrom a pessimist. They won’t expect it back.”–OscarWilde
12. “Idon’tneeda hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.” – Unknown
13. “I’mnotsaying I hate you, but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone.” – Unknown
14. “I’mreadingabookabout anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.” –Uknown
15. “Ialwayswantedtobe somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” –LilyTomlin
16. “Theearlybirdmightget the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.”– Edgar Bergen
17. “Iusedtosellfurniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.”–LesDawson
18. “WhenIwasakid,my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.” – Rodney Dangerfield
19. “I’mreadingabookon the history of glue. I just can’t seem to put it down.” – Tim Vine
20. “You’reonlyasgoodas your last haircut.”–FranLebowitz
21. “Ifyou’renotsupposed to eat at night, why is there a light bulb in the refrigerator?” – Unknown
22. “Houseworkcan’tkill you. But why take the chance?” – Phyllis Diller
23. “Beforeyou criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you criticize him, you’re a mile away, and you have his shoes.” – Jack Handey
24. “Idon’twanttoachieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.” – Woody Allen
25. “Iftwowrongs don’t make a right, try three.” – Laurence J. Peter
26. “Mytherapisttold me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far, I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.” – Dave Barry
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27. “Youcan’thave everything. Where would you put it?”– Steven Wright
28. “Whenlifegivesyou lemons, make lemonade. Then, find someone whose life has given them vodka and have a party.” – Ron White
29. “IaskedGodfor a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So, I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.” – Emo Philips
30. “Thebestway to lie is to tell the truth, carefully edited.” – Unknown
31. “Insanityisheredity. You get it from your children.” – Sam Levenson
32. “I’m staying home from work today. I have mood poisoning.” – Unknown
33. “Ifyouthinknothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door.” – Unknown
34 “Toerrishuman; to admit it, superhuman.” – Doug Larson
35. “People often say motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing. That’s why we recommend it every day.”–Zig Ziglar
36. “If you can’t be kind, at least be vague.“ – Judith Martin
37. “Ifyou’retooopen-minded; your brains will fall out.”– Lawrence Ferlinghetti
38. “Changeisinevitable,except from a vending machine.” – Robert C. Gallagher
39. “MytherapistsaysI have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.” – Stewart Francis
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40. “That’s why her hair is so big. It’s full of secrets.” – Mean Girls
41. “Finally, my winter fat is gone. Now, I have Spring rolls.” – Unknown
42. “If money doesn’t grow on trees, then why do banks have branches?” – Kevin Pilcher
43. “I have an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other. I’m also deaf in one ear.” – Unknown
44. “I changed my password to “incorrect,” so whenever I forget what it is, the computer will say “Your password is incorrect.” – Unknown
45. “I’m having people over to stare at their phones later if you want to come by.” – Unknown
46. “Some days, I amaze myself. Other days I put my keys in the fridge.” – Unknown
47. “Going back to your ex is like reheating your McDonald’s fries.” – Unknown
48. “The biggest lie I tell myself is “I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it.” – Unknown
49. “An apple a day will keep anyone away if thrown hard enough.” – D.E. Haggerty
50. “Sometimes you might feel like no one’s there for you, but you know who’s always there for you? Laundry. Laundry will always be there for you.” – Unknown
51. “Be careful when you follow the masses. Sometimes the M is silent.” – Unknown
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Wrapping Up Hilarious Quotes Short and Fun
Hopefully, these brilliant, hilarious quotes, short, fun, yet full of truth, have brightened your outlook today. Remember that quick laughs and amusing phrases can ripple through your day, infusing it with positive vibes.
Havingjourneyedthroughavalley of chuckles and quick laughs, you’re likely to find this laughter therapy stays with you throughout the day. These smile inducers aren’t just fleeting moments of humor but contribute to building walls of positivity around us.
Therefore, let’s not forget to spread this happiness to others. After all, humor shared is happiness multiplied. Feel free to share these short, hilarious quotes with your friends and family and speckle their day with humor, as well.
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